Step Six of Alcoholics Anonymous is about becoming willing to let go of attitudes and behaviours that no longer support recovery. Its wording is: “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”
For many people, this sounds daunting. What does “entirely ready” mean? Are you expected to become perfect? And what if you are uncomfortable with the words “God” or “defects”?
In practice, Step Six is not a demand for instant transformation. It is an invitation to recognise unhelpful patterns honestly, understand what they have been doing for you, and become increasingly willing to respond differently. It sits between the self-examination of the earlier Steps and the humility of Step Seven.
You do not need complete confidence, perfect motives or a particular religious belief before beginning. Willingness can start with something as simple as: “I can see this pattern is causing harm, and I am open to changing it.”
Where Step Six fits in the Twelve Steps
The first five Steps involve admitting the reality of an alcohol problem, becoming open to help, taking a personal inventory and sharing that inventory honestly. Step Six builds on what has been uncovered.
After looking closely at resentments, fears, relationships and past conduct, a person may begin to notice recurring patterns. These might include dishonesty, controlling behaviour, avoidance, impatience, self-pity, people-pleasing or a need to be right.
Step Six asks whether you are ready to loosen your attachment to those patterns. Step Seven then develops this through humility and asking for help. If you would like a broader overview of the whole programme, see the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous explained simply.
The Steps are commonly worked with an AA sponsor—an experienced member who offers informal guidance based on their own recovery. A sponsor is not a therapist, doctor or authority over another person. Their role is usually to share experience, listen and help make the language of the Steps more practical.
What are “defects of character” in AA?
“Defects of character” is traditional AA language for personal tendencies that contribute to harm, disconnection or difficulty. Some people prefer terms such as shortcomings, unhelpful habits, defensive patterns or survival strategies.
Whatever wording you use, Step Six is not saying that you are defective as a human being. It focuses on behaviours and attitudes, not your worth or identity.
For example, a person might recognise that anger helped them feel powerful when they were frightened. Avoidance may once have protected them from conflict. Controlling behaviour might have provided a temporary sense of safety. Dishonesty may have helped conceal drinking or avoid consequences.
Understanding why a pattern developed does not excuse the harm it caused. However, compassionate understanding can make honest change more possible. Shame tends to say, “I am bad.” Responsibility says, “This behaviour is causing harm, and I can seek help to change it.”
It is also important not to label every personality trait as a defect. Being quiet, sensitive, cautious or needing time alone is not inherently wrong. The useful question is whether a particular pattern repeatedly harms you or others, obstructs honesty, or weakens your recovery.
What does “entirely ready” mean?
Being entirely ready does not necessarily mean wanting every change without hesitation. People often have mixed feelings because even harmful habits can offer short-term rewards.
Gossip may create a sense of belonging. Resentment can feel protective. People-pleasing may reduce the risk of disapproval. Perfectionism can create an illusion of control. If a behaviour has served a purpose, simply deciding to remove it may not be enough.
Readiness means becoming honest about both sides: the apparent benefit and the actual cost. You may ask:
- What does this pattern give me in the short term?
- What does it cost me over time?
- How does it affect my sobriety and relationships?
- What am I afraid will happen if I let it go?
- What healthier response could replace it?
For instance, someone may want freedom from resentment but still enjoy replaying an argument and imagining vindication. Step Six makes room for that contradiction. The task is to notice it rather than pretend it is absent.
Willingness often develops through repeated small choices. You may not feel ready forever, but you can be willing for today.
Does Step Six require belief in God?
Step Six uses the word “God”, as several of the Twelve Steps do. AA’s spiritual language can be difficult for people who are religious, non-religious, agnostic or uncertain.
Many members understand a Higher Power in different ways. Some think in traditional religious terms. Others focus on the support of the AA fellowship, shared recovery principles, nature, conscience or a source of wisdom beyond their own immediate impulses.
You do not need to force yourself to claim a belief you do not have. It may be more useful to explore what asking for help means to you. Step Six can include accepting that determination alone has not changed every entrenched pattern and becoming open to support, reflection and action.
The spiritual element does not replace practical responsibility. A person can ask for help while also apologising, pausing before reacting, attending meetings, speaking to a sponsor or obtaining professional support.
AA is one route to recovery, not the only one. Some people combine meetings and Step work with counselling, peer support, medical care or other recovery programmes.
How to work Step Six in practice
There is no need to tackle your entire personality at once. A focused, patient approach is usually more manageable.
Review what you discovered in earlier Steps
Look back at themes identified during your inventory and Step Five discussion. Avoid creating an enormous list simply to criticise yourself. Choose one or two recurring patterns that clearly affect your wellbeing, relationships or sobriety.
You might write down:
- the pattern you have noticed;
- situations that tend to trigger it;
- what feeling lies underneath it;
- the short-term benefit it seems to provide;
- the longer-term consequences;
- an alternative action you could practise.
Discuss the pattern with someone trustworthy
Speaking honestly can reduce shame and expose blind spots. You might talk with a sponsor, another trusted AA member, a counsellor or an appropriate spiritual adviser.
Choose someone who respects boundaries and does not use Step language to humiliate or control you. Recovery support should help you take responsibility without stripping away your dignity.
Look for willingness rather than perfection
Try a brief daily question: “Am I willing to respond differently in this situation?”
If the answer is no, ask what you are afraid of losing. Sometimes willingness begins with being willing to become willing. That may sound modest, but it is a genuine shift away from denial.
Practise a replacement behaviour
Letting go works better when an old response is replaced with a healthier one. For example:
- replace immediate anger with a short pause;
- replace avoidance with one honest conversation;
- replace people-pleasing with a respectful boundary;
- replace gossip with silence or a change of subject;
- replace rigid control with asking for another person’s view;
- replace self-criticism with accurate, accountable reflection.
Repeated practice matters more than one dramatic moment. Staying sober one day at a time can also make personal change feel less overwhelming.
Ask for help in language that feels sincere
Some people use prayer. Others sit quietly, meditate, write in a journal or speak openly with another person. A simple request might be: “Help me become willing to release this pattern and choose a healthier response today.”
The precise words matter less than honesty and follow-through.
Common difficulties with Step Six
“I keep repeating the same behaviour”
Awareness does not immediately erase a long-standing habit. Notice the pattern sooner, take responsibility and try again. Progress may mean pausing after ten seconds instead of reacting for ten minutes.
“I feel ashamed of what I found”
Step Six should not become an exercise in self-punishment. If reflection produces overwhelming shame, speak with a trusted support person or qualified professional. Accountability and self-compassion can exist together.
“I do not want to lose part of myself”
Changing controlling, defensive or dishonest behaviour does not require becoming passive or losing your personality. The aim is to use your strengths more constructively—for example, turning control into responsible planning or stubbornness into steady commitment.
“I am waiting until I feel completely ready”
Feelings often follow action. Try one small experiment instead: pause once, tell one truth, accept one piece of feedback or ask for help once. Readiness can grow through experience.
Moving from Step Six to Step Seven
Step Six focuses on readiness; Step Seven focuses on humbly asking for shortcomings to be removed. The boundary between them is not rigid, and many people return to both Steps as new patterns become visible.
Humility here does not mean humiliation or thinking less of yourself. It means seeing yourself accurately, accepting help and recognising that change requires more than good intentions. Our guide to Step Seven and humility in practice explores this next stage in more detail.
A note about physical safety
Step work and fellowship can support recovery, but they are not substitutes for medical care. If you drink heavily or regularly and are considering stopping, seek professional guidance. Abruptly stopping alcohol can be dangerous for some dependent drinkers. A GP, NHS service or local alcohol support service can help you consider safer options.
Conclusion
Step Six of Alcoholics Anonymous is a bridge between honest awareness and active change. It asks you to notice the behaviours that keep causing harm, understand your attachment to them and become willing to accept help.
You do not have to become flawless. The practical goal is greater honesty, openness and willingness—followed by small, repeated actions that support sobriety and healthier relationships.
Frequently asked questions
Do I need to complete Step Six perfectly before Step Seven?
No. Step work is rarely perfectly linear. You may move into Step Seven while continuing to develop willingness, then return to Step Six when another pattern becomes clear. A sponsor can help you decide how to proceed.
How long should Step Six take?
There is no universal timetable. Some people focus on it for a short period, while others revisit it throughout recovery. Avoid rushing simply to finish, but also be wary of using endless preparation to avoid change.
Is Step Six only about stopping harmful behaviour?
It includes behaviour, but also the attitudes, fears and beliefs underneath it. Practical action is important: willingness becomes meaningful when it begins to influence how you respond to everyday situations.
What if I cannot become willing to let go of a pattern?
Start by admitting the reluctance. Explore what the pattern seems to protect or provide, and discuss it with a sponsor, trusted peer or counsellor. You can begin with willingness to understand it, rather than demanding instant change.
